she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
