so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
