anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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