Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
