How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
