everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
