I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
