i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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