wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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