we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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