I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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