Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
