Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
