So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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