The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
