WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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