I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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