Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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