so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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