What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
