Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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