she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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