i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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