I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple