how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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