Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could teleport

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  (810): I wish I could teleport http://tfl.nu/48ko
  Replies (13) Good night (1657) Bad night (628)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

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  (847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m
  Replies (9) Good night (1152) Bad night (3031)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...

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  (806): and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"... http://tfl.nu/oz9l
  Replies (77) Good night (1883) Bad night (6729)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber

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  (443): he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber http://tfl.nu/w4rq
  Replies (20) Good night (1744) Bad night (4964)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Used tampon in my purse. That from you?

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  (330): Used tampon in my purse. That from you? http://tfl.nu/lpyn
  Replies (27) Good night (712) Bad night (9261)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.

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  (305): If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals. http://tfl.nu/sngt
  Replies (4) Good night (1240) Bad night (709)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.

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  (901): He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy. http://tfl.nu/2710
  Replies (6) Good night (1796) Bad night (692)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.

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  (781): He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent. http://tfl.nu/jtvv
  Replies (4) Good night (2060) Bad night (450)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?

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  (256): Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we? http://tfl.nu/5put
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (458)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.

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  (613): I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students. http://tfl.nu/r17p
  Replies (7) Good night (804) Bad night (432)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far

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  (785): He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far http://tfl.nu/hear
  Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (1285)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.

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  (915): God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/a3ox
  Replies (4) Good night (1109) Bad night (391)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on

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  (405): Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on http://tfl.nu/n0jv
  Replies (4) Good night (243) Bad night (464)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.

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  (920): I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious. http://tfl.nu/db61
  Replies (6) Good night (610) Bad night (230)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass

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  (508): I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass http://tfl.nu/mz48
  Replies (3) Good night (410) Bad night (659)

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