U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.