last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now