I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement