I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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