You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
