so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
