i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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