I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
