Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
