it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
