how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need water and some morals
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
