Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
