But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
