we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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