Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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