Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
