Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's always time for handjobs
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
