God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
