i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
