Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
