Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
