it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
