Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
