Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
