i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize