This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize