Im at strip club and am horny
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
