just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
