You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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