really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
