What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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