Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
