Your dad touched me again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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