He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
