If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm passing your future prison.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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