the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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