No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
