I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
