Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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