would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
