He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
