He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
