i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
