I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
