she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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