is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This baby is an asshole
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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