well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
