dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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