woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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