Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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